There was a book by Emma Frost that I read and it stayed with me in that way that some books do. I’ve blogged about it before. Because that book very much effected my views on getting stuck in the conventions of relationships. Relationships that impress me remain those that are wide eyed and self-knowing. … Read More
I kind of hate the compliment some medical professionals use – that of having good insight into your mental health condition. I mean I get it, it’s like warning the phlebotomist that you might faint before she takes your blood. But, when you’re literally trying to think about what’s happening and the sodding organ that … Read More
My job is stressful. But the thing is, the way I do my job is stressful. I can’t seem to explain why I need to not do my job the way I do because I’m not paid enough to do it the way I do. It comes across as materialistic and it’s not exactly, it’s … Read More
This year was the year I started to really feel things. I did so much therapy last year, I really worked on things, so for all Reddit poly people can jump on my descriptions of my feelings towards The Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute and declare I’m an NRE addict, what remains is that this … Read More
I had forgotten how much of a physical feeling heartbreak is. The first time my heart was broken was just before Christmas, possibly even Christmas Eve, I had a secret boyfriend and I had to go up to the payphone the otherside of the village to call him and talk to him without my parents … Read More
I’m feeling quite chuffed with myself today, chuffed and exhausted! I signed up to Sands Challenge 13 this year. When I was asking what I should do, previously I’ve usually swum over the course of a month until getting to thirteen miles (although previous years it’s been fifteen or fourteen) The Riddling Gatekeeper suggested boardgaming. … Read More
(Content Warning: I am going to be frank about how I managed my reactions upon being confronted by an unexpected assault in a LARP, my having been raped, being queer as a teen in the nineties – don’t read if you’re not up for it) Why am I writing this? Mostly to get it out … Read More
What happened this weekend? I travelled to Devon and I hung out with a lot of people I’ve never met before in a large house. And I hugged as many of them as were happy to. What it’s really reiterated to me is that I am a massively tactile person and a lot of touch … Read More
In two weeks I will complete my current run of therapy. It’s been a bit of a trip, working through and processing old trauma right in the middle of new trauma. Trying to remain present when all this is happening around me is really hard and my coping mechanisms have gotten really unhealthy. On the … Read More
Tonight DS Luke came over for dinner. There was a risk assessment beforehand, and he did an LFT, but The Jellicle and Imp agreed it was probably less risky than… well the entirety of my job. I made lasagne, a tricolore that wasn’t perfectly achieved, three types of cheese, yoghurt in the béchamel and my … Read More
